Out of place : Dreams part 1

I dreamed about having a stroke. I dreamed that I woke up but couldn’t move and realized that it was sleep paralysis and that usually turns into scary situations for me so I started with the little movements that I could do to provide sensation / help wake me up.

I did wake up, slowly, but I was still groggy / foggy. I couldn’t move all the way. I tried to call out for my mom but I knew she was dead. I was scared and my speech was coming out slurred. I was awake but the left side of my body was weak and my vision was blurred. I looked at my phone screen but couldn’t make sense of it. I tried to unlock it. I knew my password but my vision was off and my left hand didn’t work. I thought to myself I’m having a right sided stroke. I walked very slowly and unsteadily out of my bedroom and the thermostat was glowing but illegible. I was trying to talk but it was soft and slurred. My thought was “neurological symptoms, call 911”. I was trying to say it out loud but it wasn’t coming out loudly or clearly. I slid down the stairs on my butt like a child because I didn’t trust myself to walk down them safely. All the while hoping Matt or the kids were home and they would see me. I wondered if it could still just be sleep paralysis and if I would be stupid for calling 911 unnecessarily. I kept saying “neurological symptoms, call 911”. I made it downstairs and sat on the kitchen floor and that’s when I really woke up with slight sleep paralysis and a major anxiety attack.

Post conference with myself.

I’m thinking about writing a book. A book about my life and my experiences. The title would be “Post conference with myself”. Post conference is this thing in nursing school where all of the students meet with the instructor at the end of the day and discuss / work through the day’s learning and experiences. Because my clinicals were always a long drive, I started doing an extended post conference using the voice recorder on my phone. I would just talk through my day for myself and listen to it later. I think I need to talk through my life with myself, to hopefully learn and grow and move forward.